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I think it's really abusive and dehumanizing to maintain anything along the lines of "oh that's just how kids are." How would you behave if everyone told you all the time, "Kids are cruel. Kids bully. They're just being kids."? You're absolutely right, it's all about expectations. I know parents are just trying to comfort their bullied kids by saying "kids will be kids," it's how you tell them they don't deserve to be bullied, but at the same time they're sending a message that children are by nature cruel and abusive.